Better than the blogs your mother used to make.

We're Irish, Yes, We're Irish

Written as a "creative work" project for a seminar I attended surrounding Irish culture in cinema. To be sung to the tune of practically any Irish drinking song - they're all pretty much the same - and, preferably, while drinking. The sloshing about of pints is advised.

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Settle down you drunkards, now, it’s time for solemn talk
For Ireland to be recognized for all of Ireland’s work
So set a hand upon your heart, the other on your glass
And lift your voices high enough to jiggle Jesus’ arse

The world was full of misery; the world was full of fear
Until, that is, the world was full of good old Irish beer
Apparently we drink too much, I can’t say so for sure
‘Cos memories are a disease and Guinness is the cure

So give us thanks, you bastards, yes you bastards give us thanks
There’s more Irish on the Earth than there be money in your banks
Oh we’re Irish! Yes, we’re Irish and it’s time respect was shown!
Because you’re Irish! Yes, you’re Irish! And so’s everyone you’ve known!

You’ve heard the dulcet tones of our dear Enya singin’ true
So just face it all you pop stars, we’re more musical than you
We made Bono and Thin Lizzy, and made every Boomtown Rat
Yes, we also made the Corrs, but we’ve apologized for that

Our Uilleann pipes are famous, oh, as is our skill at tap
‘cos we’ve lots of time to practice all of that there tourist crap
They ask if we know Flatley, if we Riverdance a bit
And behind our gentle smiles, oh how we curse that little shit

So give us thanks, you bastards, yes you bastards give us thanks
There’s more Irish on the Earth than there be water in your tanks
Oh we’re Irish! Yes, we’re Irish and it’s time respect was shown!
Because you’re Irish! Yes, you’re Irish! And so’s everyone you’ve known!

All men loved Oscar Wilde, Oscar loved them in reply
Though p’raps he shouldn’a done that really quite so literally
Yeats and Shaw and Joyce, they make me proud I’ve Irish blood
I’ve never read a word of theirs but people say they’re good

Our sense of wit grew greater as our populous grew less
You may find that odd for sure, but hey, that’s comedy I guess
We're told that Celtic mothers bred a fair comedic lot
All save for Billy Connolly, that noisy feckin' Scot

So give us thanks, you bastards, yes you bastards give us thanks
There’s more Irish on the Earth than there’s dissent amongst your ranks
Oh we’re Irish! Yes, we’re Irish and it’s time respect was shown!
Because you’re Irish! Yes, you’re Irish! And so’s everyone you’ve known!

We spread ourselves abroad; we crossed all seas that could be crossed
In a final ditch attempt to find the spuds that we had lost
It’s so’s I would have a future that I fucked off and away
For I’d either be a leprechaun or join the IRA

You’ve us to thank for Boston, half the actors that you know
And our literature’s fantastic as our Nobel Prizes show
We gave the world our Guinness and we gave the world Sinead,
But we won’t give you our accents ‘cos that’s how we all get laid

So give us thanks, you bastards, yes you bastards give us thanks
There’s more Irish on the Earth than there be money in your banks
Oh we’re Irish! Yes, we’re Irish and it’s time respect was shown!
Because you’re Irish! Yes, you’re Irish! And so’s everyone you’ve known!

When the world does die one day, and men are brought to test
Before the Lord to see where they eternally shall rest
St Peter may well lock the gates on every Irishman
But St Paddy knows the backdoor and, by God, he’ll make a plan!

So give us thanks, you bastards, yes you bastards give us thanks
There’s more Irish on the Earth than there be money in your banks
Oh we’re Irish! Yes, we’re Irish and it’s time respect was shown!
Because you’re Irish! Yes, you’re Irish! And so’s everyone you’ve known!

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